The other day I was watching the Tele where a woman with frizzy hair and disappointing breasts was explaining how gaming can be perilous to the offsprings. Right, that brings us rather neatly to a problem. Computer gaming. Is it fine or is it wickedness? I frankly am not an admirer of these fancy technologies. I still prefer to read a real book. I use my mobile phone merely to call up someone and say Right Ho not to distribute an assortment of pictures of a Vietnamese ladyboy through Bluetooth. I get pleasure from listening to rock where they strum the guitar not Britney who sounds like she is coming to you through an answering machine. But still, I love playing games on my computer. Gaming as I see it is one of the greatest inventions of mankind.
In olden days we used to play scrabble, chess and the lot. But a recent study shows that the numbers of Scrabble playing toddlers are constantly going down and as a result the world will be filled with idiots. This is not actually true. Scrabble is the most boring game ever played because when you find the exact word you need with lots of q’s and z’s there are no bonus squares available.
Playing cards, on the other hand is much better because it’s fun, inexpensive, interesting, simple and most importantly environmentally friendly if they aren’t plastic ones in which case you are putting some whales in jeopardy. But these days the card players are not at large because they have lost all their money on bets and emigrated to somewhere like Australia.
Other games where you use dice and stuff are forgotten and you can’t play chess with anyone because you won’t invite chess players all of whom are fantastically dreary. Because of all these problems my choices were so depressing that I chose to play cricket in my childhood days. Then came along the computer, which was the greatest relief that could have happened.
You always can find a gentleman who belongs to the classic PC games fan club who would advocate games like Solitaire and Dave. Those are the kind of chaps that I choose not to go for dinner with. Arranging a pack of cards or watching an idiot jump obstacles is the worst form of gaming. Things were getting interesting only when FPS games started evolving. The games like Max Payne and Counter strike have kept me entertained for years. It’s all about blood and guns. The fans of Wolf 3D though when I come to power would be told to parade around New Delhi wearing only a tie and then shot.
Then there are racing games. Designing a racing game is sort of tricky. For a racing game to be successful it has to be bad in some way. That’s why NFS has always been the most popular racing game and it has many Japanese cars and stupid customizing options and all cars handle like they are in cartoon. But it has NITRO which people like a lot because it sounds good. ‘I am going to deploy my Nitro’ sounds better than ‘I am short shifting at the entry to hit the apex’. That explains why all the well simulated realistic racing games are not at large. Instead they play something called ‘Burnout paradise’ whey you crash and get arrested.
Multiplayer versions of many games are more successful because there is somehow more satisfaction in killing a friend than killing a computer. Even better is killing your friend’s empire. That is why we used to play Age of Empires day and night. And there are so many things to concentrate on when you play AOE that I simply can’t care about a maltreated woman saying that it will make me stupid.
Also all these games in addition to making you more intelligent will also make you more human. Why do you think there is more violence in countries like Afghanistan where computers are considered anti-religious? They don’t play GTA. Nor do they play Assassin’s Creed. Instead they go out and cut their neighbour’s arm. It seems I have solved the problem of World peace. Make GTA compulsory in schools.
- Scrabble, Monopoly and more at shul games fest (thejc.com)
- Racing Games (pinkbananaworld.com)