We did a class room exercise that involved listing of the ten most important things you might need when you have survived a plane crash and landed in the middle of Botswana. We all laughed when we looked at the option ‘cosmetic mirror’ and awarded it tenth rank and finally when the answer was revealed knew that we all made fools of ourselves because it comes first in the list apparently. Not a tin of beer as it turned out. And that is not surprising. What is surprising most of all is that mobile phone didn’t appear in that list of ten.
Every single time when I get trapped in a queue or a bus station, I always find a girl sending text to her boyfriend wearing a stupid blush on her face. She will never ever put her phone into her bag. Even guys do that. Those generally wear shorts and ride an ostentatious red pulsar. And I know that they don’t know English and they don’t need to. SMS language is totally different. ‘hw r u.. i m gr8 dood, c u 2moro, gud nite.’ Not even Shakespeare knows the meaning.
In hotels, I always end up sitting on the table next to a businessman’s who’d be decorated by an ear clip which makes him look like he is wearing a hearing machine and when he talks to someone through it a lunatic. These people want us to see that their phone can connect to the Sun; it is possible by a touch of a button to see some lady boys living on the Uranus and it can photograph the cleavage of girls sitting on the opposite side. And it can play Britney spears which can be bad for your head.
The other day when I was waiting in a bank a guy started playing some noise from the throats of rappers on his silly box that had about four hundred tiny buttons all of which look the same. A mere glance enabled me to find that it came from China which is the other way of saying that it is disposable.
I once bought an expensive phone not because it can connect me to a prostitute in Bombay or it will entitle me to videotape my genitals and put it on the inter-web or it can it can play those farting noises from Rammstein very loud. I just bought the prettiest and it is broken now.
There is a problem now. I want to buy a new phone now and there isn’t one available. Really. I went into a showroom that said “Mobile Store” and it isn’t one. They sold compact play-stations and computers, cameras and music players. That’s all. No phones. But you get one free along with any of those. And it’s hard to choose one.
I have never fancied Motorola because that just looks like a remote control and comes with a keypad where you can never hit the right key. But Nokia was always high on my list because they made simple and robust basic mobile phones that looked like bricks. It also says ‘connecting people’ on the cover which is just what we may ever need. But after seeing the new range I think the caption must be ‘Photographing people’, ‘Deafening people’ or ‘Annoying people’. So that’s out.
One of my friends told me to try Korean which I thought isn’t a brilliant idea. But I had a look. And I found that I have always been right about them. Those industrious little fellows are good at making washing machine and that’s the end. Now the market is also full of phones with thirty ports which will only cost a trifle. But they are from china which like I said means they will stop working after two weeks.
Sony Ericsson is the only thing left. The man in the showroom told me that the keypad will disintegrate in a month, the display may decide to resign its job anytime after the warranty and the singers singing through the speakers will suddenly get throat diseases. But I don’t care about them. Because they make the prettiest phones which are extremely good at one thing, making you feel happy.
I had a phone that had a green key pad and it was pretty. You can’t hear the person clearly through it. The keys are cracked. The speakers have had it. The display suddenly decided that it will show me only some lines, twice. It completely is disintegrated now. But I have always liked it. Even when it went mad I didn’t feel like hitting it with a hammer. I never cared when my friends rubbed in constantly that it is too girly for girls. It is now a thing to show to others, but a thing to be loved by the owner.
That explains why I am going to buy a Sony Ericsson, again.