Public transport is one thing as I have already mentioned that I do not want but need. Also I do not do overtime in my office which leaves me with no other wiser option.
I am not a man who needs too much comfort, but I eventually do like to reach home in one piece. And I have to say the buses are awful.
The engine would sound like it is running a factory; the suspension would break your bones everytime the bus gets on a pot hole, the windows wouldn’t be bothered to work, the conductor would be daft, the seats would be less comfortable than sitting on a porcupine and the person sitting next would certainly be a clamorous little man or a nutter or an angry communist.
No wait, it can get even worse. It can also be a female working as a secret heroine seller with the aesthetic appeal of a baboon. She would come to you and politely tell you to let her sit which means you have to give your seat away and stand next to a plumber or a fruit seller. By the time you want to get rid of him and move towards front, the driver would brake and you may have to collide against a lady teacher who after enjoying the process is going to say that you are a hen-maniac.
Trains are not so much better either. Because, all you get after you walk hard your way to the station is the news that the next train is after forty five minutes. And in the mean time a chip seller is going to sell you something and you end up in breeding a happy colony of highly evolved modern amoeba.
If you get the train on time, you still have some more problems to face. Some young couple is going to give a disgusting look meaning that you are a useless single disturbing their privacy. A blind man will be singing an old song which will be rubbish and I can’t give him a quid for that.
And a dirty pickled-brain man with a long beard will be shepherding a horde of cows wrapped in black plastic condoms and will tell the biggest condom that you are a pick-pocket and she must be careful.
And when you accidentally sit next to a woman, she will be annoyed because she assumes that you are going to kidnap her which is too much to desire from her side. Why do females always have a feeling that they are under threat by men?
Speaking of which, we Indians have everything separate for women here. In train there is a separate coach for ladies. Why? Scientifically both are equally strong. In fact they are better equipped if we consider that they have built-in airbags, two of them.
Obviously I can’t blame the government for that because it is the fault of the people excluding humans who can be classified into mental, nitwits, halfwits, religious nuts and loonies. But as the government takes the credit for improving infrastructure and literacy which they had nothing to do with, it is fair that they take the blame for Public transport being hideous.
Even if it is the government, it means the hippies who work there. After all a place is what the people who live there are. Italians are obsessed with style and are crazy so people drive pretty cars making love to the dashboard. Americans are obsessed with size, so everyone goes in a truck with prostitutes. Australians wear shorts, so drive bikes and get bitten by poisonous snakes.
Indians are obsessed with religion, culture and some more irrelevant concepts. So, what we see here precisely is the absolute definition of the Chaos theory.
Now it is time for the solution. Clearly we know that because of about thirty percent of the people the entire transport system is being ruined. We don’t need any clever person to troubleshoot. We know the trouble; we need some gunmen to shoot them. That’s all.
In fact it is so simple that a man with a funny moustache and a side parting has already practiced this successfully before. And that job is so easy that I may even volunteer myself to take it up.
Please don’t get me wrong that I want to become a Dictator, though I may cancel other parties to avoid confusion in the elections.
But there is one thing I am certainly going to do when I come to power. Put Negative Eugenics into practice.