Time and again in my blog, I have been trying to establish that watching television is not all that great to do. But whenever I get bored by everything else that is the only thing I am left with.
But after spending a couple of days with it, I am not very happy to report that it is full of rubbish.
You do have some good things like channels that are dedicated to play music for instance. Nice. But are they actually playing music? I am not so sure. All channels are having some music reality shows which as far as I can figure out are pretty much the same. A lunatic will make some clamor in front of the microphone and a fat female and some nutty judges would get all teary eyed and wet all the tissues available. By the time they bring another box of tissues there would be a thousand adverts.
I would not recommend that ‘Roadies’ either. Like I said a man with a beard always tries to kill the contestants. And then a plump female with enormous bosoms will start shouting at others and start jumping vigorously. I have always had a temptation to chain saw her nipples and hit her with a shovel.
There was a program about how a bunch of junkies in America set sail in a ship and do some fishing. And there were documentaries about how some angry Muslims in Afghanistan extract heroine from Opium. And there was some lion porno movie. When it got over, snake porn was played. That is what we are shown under science and technology.
Fashion and Travel too are not doing well. There was a program where some witless females spent an hour in choosing a sun tan cream from three different brands. I would have solved it in five seconds by telling them ‘Don’t be daft’. They were discussing the texture of the cream, smell, shine, feel factor and some more terms which we can’t really comprehend. All they show in travel shows are how people in different parts of the world macerate meat and how the texture of the cooked food varies geographically. Machine gunning them is what I would suggest.
Then there is the problem with all the local channels. They are always full of serials that never end. News was one thing I used to like, but nowadays they do the old-fashioned news for half the time. And for the rest they show documentaries about speeding, drugs and child molesting.
I was very worried about the television programs of today. If they continue to do this, people will watch only YouTube in future, which is a pathetic situation.
The only reason why people watch YouTube is they enjoy watching someone catching fire and someone falling from the skate board and landing on their genitals. That is very similar to how we watch pornography. We fast forward the bit where the milkman arrives and they talk and slow it down when the wife starts to strip.
I have been giving it a thought for only a few minutes and I already have a solution. That would be a new channel that I have come up with. It is called Fun.com. This channel would be packed with interesting shows.
There will be debates about whether smoking is good or not and in the end all the non-smokers will be tied up and the smokers will be told to smoke in front of their face.
Races will be conducted in specially designed tracks and the drivers will have to drive the cars backwards around the circuit. There will also be an adventure show in which celebrities like Raki Saawant, Himesh Reshamya and Kareena Kapoor will do bungee jumping and the rope will be disconnected after they dive.
The low budget travel program will be a group of cool chaps from Chennai, Bangalore and Mumbai travelling to northern portions of India and laugh at the people who live there.
Er… We have some serials in the lineup as well. There will be an investigation serial where girls will find the culprit immediately and shoot them and we can show the head explosion in full detail. There will also be a family serial where Manthra Bedi and whatsername, that news reporter in CNN, will breathe heavily and argue in see through dresses and after the argument is over will start doing lesbionics in French style.
News will cover world politics, gadgets and celebrity gossips in short and there will be weekly awards for the worst in various categories.
On social service front, there will be a group of volunteers who go out and find people who honk at the signals, who throw litter and who have beard and set fire to one or two vital organs of them. People committing minor crimes like stealing and killing shall be forgiven.
Rock shows will include bands like ‘Red hot chili peppers’ and ‘Akon’. As soon as they start making noises the amplifier will be turned off and some good old rock songs will be played which will be a good opportunity for those bands to learn.
You may think all of them are out of our wonts. But let me explain.
Today all the TV channels try to show things that are more realistic. And they try to make a point. That’s why all reality shows include scenes shot in the houses of every contestant where his grandfather tells us that he is the luckiest person. Right. Shows try to convey a message.
I think it would be better if they show different people argue and laugh at each other and have fun.
Have you ever thought, “I shall watch TV for an hour and I will become a little more intelligent”. The simple answer would be no. The only reason you watch it is to spend an hour in a way that is somewhat better than boring.
So, people should know that TV is not for learning and shows need to be shallow. That will stop people watching a colossal oaf falling down and getting a keyhole on his scrotum in the YouTube…