NANO turns out to be a cure to congestion…

Finally after all the waiting by failures, who haven’t got any money to buy a car and brouhaha from the press, the cheapest car in the world is for sale. Because of that all the Indians who have not been able to buy proper clothes will be able to buy a car.

Parking a car has now become easier than eating chips. You don’t need a parking space anymore since you can keep it in your fridge. And because it is efficient, trees have started growing everywhere even in the Rajastan desert. And all the ice caps in the arctic started freezing again.

Everyone is proudly banging on about India’s great engineering achievement of making the cheapest car. And the whole world is going to follow us. It is going to change the way the world is going to look at us. Yeah, right.

And that is exactly what we have been told to believe by some TATA enthusiasts.

On the other side of the problem, there are hippies and communists telling us that the poor little car is going to set fire to all the houses in India by causing congestion and global bloody warming. Because they are afraid the sales will become too high and the roads will be full of that monster with no facial features.

The other day a minister called Mamta Banerjee who is the fattest female politician in the world inadvertently mentioned that Nano is made up of blood. Clearly she was not concentrating on the science classes and she needs a bit of attention.

The truth of the matter is this. Telling the world that we make the cheapest and smallest car in the world is the same as telling your colleges that you are the meanest and you have the smallest genitals. And the world won’t think that we are excellent in engineering. They will think all the Indians are cheap skates.

And when they see Mamta raving on about blood being used to make the chassis and brakes, they will conclude that all Indians are fat, ugly and stupid.

I am not a fan of NANO to be honest and I would rather walk on my knees than owning a car like that. I don’t agree with hippies either since I believe it is a decent car and I can come up with some ideas of making a good use of this mean masterpiece.

All chips sellers, petty shop owners, wizened old men and all loonies are the ones that are rushing to the showroom to buy this after selling their mopeds. Don’t let them in. Those are the ones who spoil the traffic. A goat has more commonsense and traffic manners than them.

I don’t think poor people should drive cars. Let them work hard enough to be able to buy a proper car and if they become civilized after earning money they will drive properly in a civilized way. We can’t allow yokels and apes to do it.

Don’t sell it to the rich either. Because they will keep it in the garage and drive around in the SUVs, behind the tail of another car by a millimeter honking at the traffic jams. And if I were in power and I found a well settled person driving a NANO, he or she would be painted NANO yellow and be thrown into the sea.

Nano, I think can actually make a good commercial vehicle. Really!

In the great land of India, most of the minicabs are OMNIs which like I have told before are the most dangerous cars in the world. And auto rickshaws are terrible. And people who drive them are Narcissists and child murderers.

Instead of talking about global warming the government should create a separate body for minicabs. So that the current cab drivers and auto drivers can no longer steal money from people. Nano would fit in there perfectly as a replacement to both auto rickshaws and OMNIs.

Environmentally also this is advantageous. All rickshaws are filled with a clever mixture of petrol, kerosene, used oil and poisonous urine from the drivers. Nano will be relatively clean and has a downside better top speed than the pope.

It is amazing to think that the car that is set to ruin the roads of India may well be a cure to congestion. What you need is a person with a brilliant idea…

That is not the major point though. All the auto rickshaws have to vanish as quickly as possible.


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