Let me make it plain. I am not a busy person to advise others to do a thing. In fact, I am the least busy person in the whole world apart from cricket followers.
Seriously. They spend a whole day watching some junkies running around tied up with some pads in front of a fat man, surrounded by enemies who pick the ball and throw at them and always miss to hit one of their eyes.
Other TV shows are not particularly interesting either. All I can see on the TV is a man telling us about how his wife ran away, a music channel that plays no music or a man ordering the rest of the people to kill themselves in a show called something that sounds like toadies and starts with R.
Watching movies is not that much fun, to be honest. Because you would have already done with all the good movies and you would be forced to watch some silly movies where the hero could not be bothered to have sex with any girl or shoot somebody into the middle of the face.
To spend time he would have to awkwardly shake a stick with his hand, wear a stupid glass, cover himself in a rug, eat reptiles and start flying with a house cleaning product. I have watched such movies and had less fun than I did when I was having a bike accident.
Clearly, we have to go out to do anything that is more interesting than drowning. I think I may have a solution.
Last weekend a pal of mine came and we decided to go on my bike to the East Coast Road as every sensible man in Chennai would. It took hours to reach the road, thanks to the selfless and brave service of the souls that stand in the middle of the road near every signal in health and safety high visibility jackets.
Despite the efforts of Hyundai drivers on the highway we reached our destination in under sixty minutes which is called Mahabalipuram.
There we saw pretty much what you would expect. Not a thing. Apart from some broken statues of some animals and a crow faced female embarrassed, because someone spotted her hand carefully playing with a murderer’s wedding vegetables.
In theory this is a waste of time. But it is just so isn’t. Going somewhere out with a friend is fun, especially he is as crazy as a bed bug. Watching silly videos in youtube with some chaps to spend time is gay.
Clearly, going out is the better thing to do.
Murderers, bastards and lunatics as I said have no problem at all. They all have partners with breasts. To spend time talking about pretty much anything from colour of the dress they wear to the size of their bums. Apart from their other partners o’course.
Normal people it seems aren’t that fortunate. All they are left with are lap-dancers and girls with the aesthetic appeal of a dead porcupine or a boiled horse.
So, they have to go out with some other men. Where? Everybody would naturally suggest malls, cinemas and restaurants.
There is nothing to buy in a shopping mall that you may ever need. There is always a person much taller than you who would have booked the same seat for the same movie in the same theater but in the previous row. So you can’t see a thing. Going out somewhere to do nothing but eat marks you out as a piggie.
If you go to a mall, you can discover that the girl you have been following has got a car thief waiting for her outside. And your friend has no idea what you are on about. Then, if the next time you call him up he will prefer to torture his nipples than going out with you.
I can if I may, give some suggestions.
Call a close friend. You can go to a beach. Go for a long walk. Eat local food. Drink liquor. Play in the water. If your friend has not got wet yet push him into the water. Have an argument. Agree to whatever he says finally. Then push him into the water again, just for fun.
If water is not your thing, then go for a long ride. Explore some unknown places. Come back in the night tired and after having fights. Go to a pub. Get drunk and forgive each other.
Have another round in, a stronger one than before. This is so much fun an the pain can be shared next morning. That would be brilliant. You have arguments, fights, highs, cries and some fries.. That is a heaven for friendship.
Then, tell him whatever you think. Tell him you don’t like his teeth and he is a stupid. Also tell him that you still like him. And then he is going to adore you for that.
And you will have a great day as well.
It turns out, that the simple solution to spend a day is to start having some good old fashioned fun with an old friend.
Everyone will appreciate this idea apart from people who are busy figuring out how to satisfy their ‘this week’s Parisian hooker’.